Imagine choosing a co-op adventure for two people: one wants a demanding fight, while the other is still learning which button makes their character dodge. Asking them to agree on a single difficulty setting creates an unnecessary negotiation before they've even begun. My preference is for each player to choose the help they need, while the game keeps their shared objective intact.
That isn't a request to make every co-op game effortless. It's an argument for separating personal execution from the team's challenge. You should be able to face a dangerous boss together without requiring identical reflexes, confidence or tolerance for restarting. A useful assist would keep someone participating, rather than turn them into a passenger.
Help the player without replacing their decisions
Consider a hypothetical two-player action game. One person might choose a more forgiving dodge window or reduced damage taken. Their partner could leave those settings untouched. Both would still decide where to stand, when to attack and whether to help the other. The shared fight would remain something they solve together, even though the cost of a mistimed button press differs.
I'd draw a line between assistance and automatic completion. A wider timing window can preserve the decision to dodge; automatically dodging every attack removes it. Neither option needs to be forbidden, but they should be named separately. “Help with timing” tells you more about the experience you're choosing than a vague label such as “casual.”
The same principle could apply to a puzzle adventure. Offer one player an optional reminder of their immediate task without revealing the solution on everyone's screen. If a hint would expose the answer to the whole team, ask before showing it. Personal help stops being personal when it settles a shared problem without the other players' agreement.
There are limits. You can't independently slow down a shared room for one person without deciding what happens to everyone else. Enemy speed, puzzle timers and the number of opponents may need to remain group settings. A thoughtful menu would distinguish those choices from changes that affect only one character, instead of pretending every adjustment can be isolated.
Give everyone a worthwhile job
Different settings shouldn't mean one person gets all the interesting work. In that hypothetical boss fight, an assisted player should still be able to interrupt an attack, rescue a partner or make a meaningful choice about the next move. Making them invulnerable while giving them nothing useful to do would miss the point.
Nor should the more experienced player be assigned the permanent job of instructor. A short, optional practice area could let each person try their controls and assists before the team starts. Let players change their mind there without consuming the group's resources or advancing the story. The objective would be to find a comfortable setup, not pass an entrance exam.
For ranked competition or a deliberately fixed challenge, identical rules may be part of the appeal. I wouldn't replace that with invisible adjustments. Keep a clearly labelled fixed-rules option, and explain any effect on scores or challenge awards before the group commits. For an ordinary cooperative campaign, though, a demanding experience for one person shouldn't depend on denying another person useful help.
These settings also need a dignified presentation. Avoid an announcement that a teammate has selected an “easy” mode. Show each person their own configuration, and surface only the changes that affect the group. The question should be whether everyone understands the rules, not whether someone's chosen assistance deserves approval.
If you're choosing a co-op game, use this as a shopping checklist rather than assume a particular title offers these features. Look for clear answers about individual assists, what happens when one player fails, whether settings can change mid-session, and whether both players have meaningful roles. If the store description doesn't explain those things, check the game's manual or support information before buying it for a specific pairing.
Once you're playing, agree on what a good evening looks like before choosing the hardest available option. Try a short section, then ask whether each person is getting to make decisions and contribute. Adjust the setup if the game allows it. The best shared difficulty is one that gives both of you a reason to keep holding the controller.